Мнения родителей с сингапурского форума

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Мнения родителей с сингапурского форума

Биофизик: Сингапурский сайт https://www.kiasuparents.com посвящён широкому кругу проблем воспитания. В том числе изредка обсуждаются вопросы наказаний. Приведу несколько выдержек из темы с указанного сайта: Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? Цитирую только пользователей с высоким рейтингом и большим количеством сообщений, чтобы исключить возможных фантазёров. Есть ценная информация, на мой взгляд.

Ответов - 6

Биофизик: i caned my DD (P1) when she lied to me the 3rd time after giving her 2 warnings for the 1st 2 times. Gave her 3 strokes on her palm & made her kneel for 20 mins. I started using the cane when my DDs reach 2y.o. Usually I will give them warnings. 3rd time warning and still does it, I will cane them on their bums :spank:(where it's fleshier therefore not so painful; marks can't be seen too, hee...). Usually it's just one hard stroke (not hard till the flesh burst kind lah). they muz feel the pain but without injuring them (打在儿身, 痛在娘心). after they are done with the crying, we will explain to them why they were caned. Both DH and I do not use the cane regularly cos like what the old folks says, become "jun puey" liao. We find it is more effective if we only use it sparringly and when they commit really serious mischief. As they grow older, we realise that there's no need for real caning anymore. the cane has become a strong deterrent for my kids. the mere mention of using the cane is enough to deter them from mischief. :nailbite: For me, once when she was about 5yo and never after. For DH, never as he is not a believer of cane. I think girls are also more sensitive and emotional than boys (my dd is) and we would not use cane. Boy yes, girl maybe not. It depends on how naughty and whether they will listen.

Биофизик: Mrsbongz BlackBelt Posts: 784 Joined: Mon Jun 15, Post by Mrsbongz » Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:44 pm I just bought 1 a mth back.. after we realise that spanking doesn't work anymore. But I only cane for serious offences like fighting, the lesser offences is still time-out. 8) Imp75 KiasuGrandMaster Posts: 3185 Joined: Tue Oct 28, Total Likes:127 Post by Imp75 » Fri Oct 29, 2010 10:45 am no we don't need to cane our girls, they are not naughty enough for us to use the rod. 2ppaamm KiasuGrandMaster KiasuGrandMaster Posts: 2532 Joined: Wed Dec 23, Total Likes:9 Post by 2ppaamm » Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:24 pm I'm going to sound like a child abuser. But I did cane my older daughter once 26 times. Very hard, to the point she asked for a break at the 21st time. She did something really bad. She lied to me and accused her friend of something she 'guessed'. Then, she covered each lie with another one, hoping to cover up. The rule in the house is, 1 cane for doing something that hurts people, and 3 canes for not owning up and lying. I added all those up and it was 26 canes. That was about the only time I ever caned her, because she is generally well-behaved. From then on, she had never lied to me again. That was when she was only 9 years old, P3. Spare the rod, spoil the child. It was painful but I guess I had no choice, I set the rules, I obey them as well. When I do use the cane, it must be an agreed action between the child and me, and never the chasing around kind. It is a very long process (sometimes a few hours) but I guess if we want to use the cane, we'd better be sure or the kid becomes bitter and resentful. Вот так! За большое враньё - 26 ударов, очень сильно, процедура заняла несколько часов! Дальнейшее обсуждение этого сообщения: Post by 2ppaamm » Wed Nov 03, 2010 3:21 pm LKVM wrote: 2ppaamm wrote: I'm going to sound like a child abuser. But I did cane my older daughter once 26 times. Very hard, to the point she asked for a break at the 21st time. :!: :!: 26 times... where did you hit her? did you keep hitting her the same place? Hit her on her buttocks. She has to prone on the bed and cannot resist. Otherwise, I will increase. That's why, after 21 times, she said, "Mama, can you wait a while, it is very painful, I need a break." Quite poor thing, hor? If I don't teach her, who will? Trapwithin KiasuGrandMaster Posts: 1625 Joined: Wed Aug 04, Total Likes:4 Post by Trapwithin » Wed Nov 03, 2010 3:38 pm 2ppaamm wrote: Spare the rod, spoil the child. It was painful but I guess I had no choice, I set the rules, I obey them as well. When I do use the cane, it must be an agreed action between the child and me, and never the chasing around kind. It is a very long process (sometimes a few hours) but I guess if we want to use the cane, we'd better be sure or the kid becomes bitter and resentful. I practise that too. It is sometimes a very long process but definitely worthwhile. I still remembered the time I was caned >50 times when I was young but prior to that I have a 2 hour counselling sessions. Looking back, I remembered it was not easy, we both cried throughout the sessions.Вот это для меня новость. Не знал, что сингапурская воспитательная порка - это многочасовое мероприятие. 2ppaamm wrote: Well, that's about the only time I caned her as far as I remember. Most importantly, she won't lie to me anymore. It is very sad when a child lies to his/her own parent, because we cannot help them. We are the only ones who will always be on their side, and they need to remember that. I've seen how other children talk about their parents behind their backs, and it pains me. I don't want that to happen to my children. Teaching them young is better than having others teach them, I guess. buds KiasuGrandMaster Posts: 21944 Joined: Wed Dec 31, Total Likes:90 Post by buds » Thu Nov 04, 2010 2:49 pm 2ppaamm wrote: I'm going to sound like a child abuser. No you don't. In fact, you've yet to hear mine.. :cry: While it pains me to do what i said i will, i have to or else.. It will forever be empty threats or indecisive disciplinary rules. But yes, the severity of the issue that requires corporal punishment had been set in adv & also given sufficient warning and learning from mistakes period as well.. not/never for first time offences. My DD1 did something almost the same thing yours did.. trying to get a friend into trouble; cos like you say, as parents we are always on their side ya know... :( But not to the extent of taking advantage of that trust. Lying ie. white lie... to save oneself or someone else or some sort along that pattern, is different from lying to get someone into trouble. I detest that i had to be a part of it. And yes, i do agree that the sessions for counsel before & after are important.... in fact, my daddie used to run by me similar disciplinary measures and not once (after reflections) i felt that he did me wrong in any way... or felt that he abused me in any way. To me, had he spared the rod with me... i wud have been a helluva spoilt brat! So, thanks daddie.. and yes it worked. :wink:

Виктория: Биофизик пишет: Цитирую только пользователей с высоким рейтингом и большим количеством сообщений, чтобы исключить возможных фантазёров. Есть ценная информация, на мой взгляд. Приведу смысловой перевод для наших участников: i caned my DD (P1) when she lied to me the 3rd time after giving her 2 warnings for the 1st 2 times. Gave her 3 strokes on her palm & made her kneel for 20 mins. Я наказал свою дочь тростью , когда она солгала мне в 3-й раз после того, как 2 раза предупредил ее за первые 2 раза. Дал ей 3 удара по ладони и заставил стоять на коленях 20 минут. I started using the cane when my DDs reach 2y.o. Usually I will give them warnings. 3rd time warning and still does it, I will cane them on their bums :spank:(where it's fleshier therefore not so painful; marks can't be seen too, hee...). Usually it's just one hard stroke (not hard till the flesh burst kind lah). they muz feel the pain but without injuring them (打在儿身, 痛在娘心). after they are done with the crying, we will explain to them why they were caned. Both DH and I do not use the cane regularly cos like what the old folks says, become "jun puey" liao. We find it is more effective if we only use it sparringly and when they commit really serious mischief. As they grow older, we realise that there's no need for real caning anymore. the cane has become a strong deterrent for my kids. the mere mention of using the cane is enough to deter them from mischief. :nailbite: Я начала использовать трость, когда моим дочкам исполнилось 2 года. Обычно я делаю им предупреждения. Если они предупреждены в третий раз и продолжают делать это, я бью их тростью по попе, где она более мясистая. Обычно это всего один сильный удар. Они чувствуют боль, но без травм. После того, как они перестанут плакать, мы объясним им, почему их наказали. Мы с дочкой не используем трость регулярно. Мы считаем, что более эффективно использовать ее только в редких случаях и когда совершаются действительно серьезные проступки. По мере того, как они взрослеют, мы понимаем, что в настоящей порке больше нет необходимости. Трость стала сильным сдерживающим фактором для моих детей. Одного упоминания о применении трости достаточно, чтобы удержать их от шалостей. For me, once when she was about 5yo and never after. For DH, never as he is not a believer of cane. I think girls are also more sensitive and emotional than boys (my dd is) and we would not use cane. Мой опыт - один раз, когда ей было около 5 лет, и больше никогда. Что до отца - никогда, так как он не верит в трость. Я думаю, что девочки также более чувствительны и эмоциональны, чем мальчики (моя дочь такая), и мы не стали бы использовать трость. I just bought 1 a mth back.. after we realise that spanking doesn't work anymore. But I only cane for serious offences like fighting, the lesser offences is still time-out. 8) Я купила трость месяц назад... после того, как мы поняли, что шлепки больше не помогают. Но называю ею только за серьезные проступки, например, за драку. no we don't need to cane our girls, they are not naughty enough for us to use the rod. Нет, нам не нужно пороть наших девочек, они не настолько непослушны, чтобы мы использовали розги. I'm going to sound like a child abuser. But I did cane my older daughter once 26 times. Very hard, to the point she asked for a break at the 21st time. She did something really bad. She lied to me and accused her friend of something she 'guessed'. Then, she covered each lie with another one, hoping to cover up. The rule in the house is, 1 cane for doing something that hurts people, and 3 canes for not owning up and lying. I added all those up and it was 26 canes. That was about the only time I ever caned her, because she is generally well-behaved. From then on, she had never lied to me again. That was when she was only 9 years old, P3. Spare the rod, spoil the child. It was painful but I guess I had no choice, I set the rules, I obey them as well. When I do use the cane, it must be an agreed action between the child and me, and never the chasing around kind. It is a very long process (sometimes a few hours) but I guess if we want to use the cane, we'd better be sure or the kid becomes bitter and resentful. Я покажусь вам жестокой к детям. Но я наказывала тростью свою старшую дочь 26 ударами. Очень сильно, до такой степени, что на 21-й раз она попросила перерыв. Она сделала что-то очень плохое. Она солгала мне и обвинила свою подругу в том, о чем "догадалась". Потом она прикрывала каждую ложь другой ложью, надеясь прикрыться. У нас в доме есть правило: 1 трость за то, что она делает что-то, что причиняет боль людям, и 3 трости за то, что она не признается и лжет. Я сложил все эти суммы, и получилось 26 тростей. Это был единственный раз, когда я ее порол, потому что в целом она хорошо себя ведет. С тех пор она больше никогда не лгала мне. Это было, когда ей было всего 9 лет. Не жалейте розги, испортите ребенка. Это было больно, но, наверное, у меня не было выбора: я установила правила, я их и выполняю. Когда я использую трость, это должно быть согласованное действие между мной и ребенком, и никогда - беготня вокруг. Это очень долгий процесс (иногда несколько часов), но я думаю, что если мы хотим применить трость, то лучше быть уверенными, иначе ребенок станет озлобленным и обиженным.

Биофизик: concern2 KiasuGrandMaster Posts: 4890 Joined: Mon Oct 20, Total Likes:31 Re: Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? Post by concern2 » Sun Jan 29, 2012 11:56 am 24hr-mum wrote: my boy is different. tho he scared of cane, he still does the thing i dislike,, after being caned....i guess boys are more rebellious Maybe the strokes were not painful enuf :laugh: My boy had been spared the rod - never had one till my DD was 3 yr old - so you know who is the naughty one. :sad: These days, the quality of canes are also not so good - the first one we bought was a joke. DH was waving it in the air, pretending to make a hit when it broke in mid-air, making us all laugh till our stomach ached. We never had another one till about a year later when we went to Melaka. They have really thick canes, and more variety to choose from :wink: They see the cane they :siam: But seriously, 24hr-mum, girls can be just as rebellious. You can't believe how defiant they could get... :faint: Одна из участниц обсуждения пожаловалась, что неоднократно попадала себе тростью по пальцам, пытаясь убрать руку дочери с попы, когда та прикрывалась. Пальцы распухали на пару дней (хотя она прикладывала лёд): concern2 KiasuGrandMaster Posts: 4890 Joined: Mon Oct 20, Total Likes:31 Re: Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? Post by concern2 » Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:48 pm Imami wrote: hey Concern2, just curious - so your knuckles were ok? just pain and then it went away right? i am jsut wondering - knuckles also bones mah... so when something hit them, there is a chance they get injured right? Oh, thanks, imami, they're fine - after I put ice on them. :laugh: They get swollen for about a day or two, and I can tell you - it wasn't the only time hor :oops:Это, кстати, означает, что порет она достаточно сильно. Ей дают следующий дельный совет: Imami KiasuGrandMaster Posts: 10980 Joined: Fri Feb 17, Total Likes:39 Re: Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? Post by Imami » Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:57 pm Oh gosh, dont do it anymore lah.... so dangerous on your knuckles. how about smack the thighs? Their hands will move away to cover the thighs and then you can move in on the bum! *evil* aiya... so bad of me (to think of ideas for you so that you dont end up canning your own knuckles). Ещё один важный совет: Imami KiasuGrandMaster Posts: 10980 Joined: Fri Feb 17, Total Likes:39 Re: Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? Post by Imami » Sat Oct 06, 2012 11:22 pm For those who uses cane, pls take note not to drag the moment the cane touches the flesh. U all know what I mean? If u just slap the cane onto the flesh, the skin remains intact. But if you drag a little, the skin may slit open. It's very painful..... verykiasumummy KiasuGrandMaster KiasuGrandMaster Posts: 1968 Joined: Fri Mar 18, Total Likes:23 Re: Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? Post by verykiasumummy » Wed Oct 17, 2012 11:30 pm different child responses differently... i may not be able to comment if caning is good or not, but it certainly do wonders to many others who used it... whether or not to have emotional hurt due to caning, again, it depends. caning may only suit those who views caning as a REAL warning to get them working. others who do not view it same way, may not have the same effect no matter how hard u cane...

Admin: Биофизик пишет: 24hr-mum wrote: my boy is different. tho he scared of cane, he still does the thing i dislike,, after being caned....i guess boys are more rebellious Maybe the strokes were not painful enuf :laugh: My boy had been spared the rod - never had one till my DD was 3 yr old - so you know who is the naughty one. :sad: These days, the quality of canes are also not so good - the first one we bought was a joke. DH was waving it in the air, pretending to make a hit when it broke in mid-air, making us all laugh till our stomach ached. We never had another one till about a year later when we went to Melaka. They have really thick canes, and more variety to choose from :wink: They see the cane they :siam: But seriously, 24hr-mum, girls can be just as rebellious. You can't believe how defiant they could get... :faint: 24-х летняя мама пишет: Мой мальчик другой. он хоть и боится трости, но все равно делает то, что мне не нравится, после того, как его наказали тростью.... Думаю, мальчики более бунтарские. Может быть, удары были недостаточно болезненными. Мой мальчик был избавлен от розги - у него ее никогда не было, пока моей дочке не исполнилось 3 года - так что вы знаете, кто непослушный В наши дни качество тростей тоже не очень хорошее - первая трость, которую мы купили, была шуточной. Когда ею размахивали воздухе, делая вид, что наносится удар, то она сломалась в воздухе, заставив всех нас смеяться до боли в животе. Больше у нас не было ни одной, пока примерно через год мы не поехали в Мелаку. У них очень толстые трости, и выбор больше Они знают толк в тростях. А если серьезно, то и 24-х летние мамочки могут сами быть такими же непокорными. Вы не представляете, насколько они могут быть непокорными...

Биофизик: Сингапурцы описывают ещё одну методику, которую я прежде считал исключительно латиноамериканской: ставить коленями на металлические пробки от бутылок (вверх острыми краешками). В Перу даже делают для этого специальные дощечки, на которые прибивают гвозиками множество таких пробок - получается наподобие ипликатора Кузнецова для многократного использования. Пишут, что получается очень больно, обычно достаточно нескольких минут, но ставят и на часы. Можно будет рассмотреть эту методику отдельно, а пока просто процитирую сингапурский форум: Imami KiasuGrandMaster Posts: 10980 Joined: Fri Feb 17, Total Likes:39 Re: Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? Post by Imami » Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:23 am sleepy wrote: If I'm super mad, I will make them kneel facing the wall till I cool down. wouldn't this hurt the child's esteem? Just like how slapping will do? But I do have a friend whose father made the sisters kneeled on top of inverted bottle caps. You know this toothed crown top bottle caps from beer bottles? He would turn them over, such that the tooth sides were facing up and made the girls kneeled on them. :nailbite: От админа. Перевод: sleepy писал(а): Если я сильно разозлюсь, то заставлю их стоять на коленях лицом к стене, пока я не успокоюсь. Не повредит ли это самоуважению ребенка? Так же, как и шлепки? Но у меня есть подруга, отец которой заставлял сестер стоять на коленях на перевернутых крышках от бутылок. Знаете эти зубчатые крышки от пивных бутылок? Он переворачивал их так, чтобы зубчатые стороны были направлены вверх, и заставлял девочек стоять на них на коленях. Для наглядности всё-таки приложу фотографию детей, демонстрирующих этот воспитательный инструмент (фото из Перу, а не из Сингапура!) sleepy KiasuGrandMaster Posts: 9696 Joined: Thu Aug 14, Total Likes:41 Re: Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave? Post by sleepy » Thu Feb 07, 2013 10:24 am Nah, if you know my kids, you will notice they are overflown with self esteem :rotflmao: It's important to explain why they are being punished and I always walk through with them my thoughts process after they're done with kneeling (& I have 消气）and then they will apologise to me and promise not to repeat. Don't worry, it's not a daily occurence :wink: I think my dd2 kneeled thrice so far. My dd1 is the one who kneeled more often, though I think certainly less than 10 times so far. During their preschool years only. It's important that they learn to reflect on their mistakes & I find that kneeling is more effective than caning in driving the message across because they are able to tell me clearly why they should not behave in that manner & they rarely repeat again Вообще похоже, что это наказание более известно, чем я себе представлял. По крайней мере, на том же форуме (совсем в другой ветке, вообще не про наказания) фраза «поставят на колпачки от бутылок» употребляется в переносном смысле среди болтовни - но это значит, что смысл фразы всем понятен: Haha I hope you dun say that to your DW... else sure kenna pull ur ears and kneel on bottle caps :P

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